Nate and I will have been married 15 years in May. FIFTEEN YEARS! Years ago I wouldnt have believed I would meet someone who wanted to stick around and do this "life" thing with me for real. Like, really get in there and stick it out through the rough spots with an individual like me. I am the first to admit I am not always the easiest person to live with. But one moment in our history stands out to me as the big eye opener. Not for him so much as for me. It was one of those moments where the veil is lifted and you see into a person's true self and realize how naive you have been all along. In that moment I realized I had gotten more of a man than I had bargained for, and it was frightening and astonishing all at the same time. This is what happened...
We had been married about a 3 years (together a total of about 7) at the time. We had just made the move to Atlanta and were settling in to our new life in the South. It was evening and we were lying in bed talking before sleep and got into a conversation about who was smarter. (Not a conversation I recommend having with your spouse at any time during your marriage because there will obviously be differing opinions, but for some reason we went there.) See, I always had just assumed that we were on the same page about this. I mean, I had been on the National Honor Society in High School, and had graduated college with honors. I seemed to have had more experience with money and paying bills and just naturally felt smarter. It wasnt a diss or a means of hurting his feelings, but more of an honest critique. I mean, he had plenty of things he was better at than me, this just happened to be one of my "go to" qualities. Surely he agreed with me?! (oh the arrogance and pride of youth...how it humbles me to think back on it!)
As I lay there awaiting his reply, I got the sense he was hesitating. That he was considering carefully how he would present his response to me. And as he was looking thoughtfully towards the ceiling I became anxious for his answer. Finally he spoke, and this is what he said, "Actually, I am smarter than you. I just never said anything because it seemed important to you to be the smarter one."
I was shocked. speechless. Because as my mind began to wrap itself around the words he had just spoken it occurred to me that, using his logic, and the wisdom he demonstrated in not caring and staying silent during those times I had spent tooting my own horn, he had actually proven himself to be RIGHT! He truly was smarter! All those years I had spent somehow puffing myself up about higher test scores or better grades! I hadnt even considered the fact that his wealth of wisdom came from a more honest place. A more important place. From his true self.
I have never forgotten how I felt in that moment. Realizing that my husband was much smarter than I had ever given him credit for, and that I had a lot to learn from him. That was also the moment I realized I had a lot to be thankful for in this man. A man who would stick with me during the bare naked ugly moments when I wanted to crawl in a hole and hide forever. He was willing to do this "life" thing with me.
That moment changed the way I look at every person, and especially how I view myself. People are a lot more than what we give them credit for...especially those we think we have already figured out. Have you had one of those eye opening moments in your marriage? Have you suddenly seen someone for more than you thought they were and been changed by it?
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