8.24.15

One of the hardest, yet wonderful, things about being a mother is watching your children grow up. You are going about your life fully self focused, thinking about what You want to do, and what You want to eat, then suddenly you are completely responsible for this tiny human.  This little being that is fully yours is in such desperate need of you, being unable to do a single thing but sleep without your help.  So you start peeling off the layers of independence and selfishness that have built up over the years.  Your main focus becomes keeping this child alive.  It is the single most important job you have ever had in your life, and you have no experience whatsoever.

You begin to study the habits of this child; what makes this little person happy, sad, uncomfortable, angry? You invest time, energy, mind, body, and soul into the raising of this child.  And as she grows, you grow, too.  Together you become a little team, working together to accomplish the common goal of succeeding in life!  Not a day goes by when you aren't in the trenches together. And then suddenly, she is off and running! And you are so relieved to have just a little time to catch your breath.  To have a moment of independence again.  

Then before you know it that girl is in school, and what was once 24 hours a day together has been whittled down to about 15. And there are friends, and homework, and after school activities.  And before you know it years have gone by and you are no longer the little team you once were.  That tiny human is almost as big as you now.  That little girl is mostly self sufficient.  Yes, you still share special moments.  Sometimes you get to hear about the funny thing that happened that day at school. Or you might help her work through a complicated issue involving friends.  She is growing up, and the distance between you is increasing.  As it should be.  Because the Lord knows you have prayed this child of yours will be everything He created her to be.  That she will be wise, and strong, and kind, and a light for Him in this world.  And that is exactly what she is becoming.  Her own person, so different from you.  From me.

And so last night, when she asked me to dry her hair for her, after she had showered, rather than be too busy I made the time.  Because there is so little time, these days.  And there are so few moments when she needs me lately.  I stopped what I was doing and I was fully present, there in the moment.  I brushed through her hair as she sat there, and I remembered that tiny human. I watched her long, blonde hair pull through the brush and I prayed for her life.  As the dryer buzzed on I remembered those days that I thought would never end, and my eyes were brought to tears. Because they do end. And it's hard to let go. And that is when I realized this is all still a part of the growing.  Because releasing the baton is my job as her team mate. It allows her to one day climb out of those trenches, and be that person she was created to be.