I Dont Have it All Together (and a facelift wont change that.)

This is going to seem like a ridiculous post, because it is filled with special requests I have should I lose my mind as I continue aging.  But some of the trends for Hollywood stars and older women these days are freaking me out! I dont want to succumb to the pressure and make some irrational decision that will change me for the rest of my life.  I am afraid that the women in Hollywood are so encapsulated in their little world that they do not realize that to the rest of us, they are looking like freaks from (inserting Hunger Games reference here) The Capital! So without further ado, here is my list of "please stop me if I..." requests.

1. I cannot always tell the difference between botox and a face lift, by my goodness, many celebrities are beginning to look a bit Stepford!  Madonna, Helen Hunt, Nicole Kidman, Courtney Cox and others have all begun to drastically change in appearance.  Even Sandra Bullock looked different at the latest awards show.  I am beginning to wonder if so many people surrounding them are getting it done that they are assuming it is the new "must do" without realizing how shocking it is to the rest of the world.  I saw a great post from Alyssa Milano on Twitter recently that said something to the affect of "when you get a face lift you dont look younger, you just look like you have had a face lift." Well put! I hope she can withstand the pressure to go under the knife and simply age gracefully.  While I would love to have a few wrinkles erased, I fear more the changing of my entire appearance in the process! Seems to me the results are of greater concern than the actual wrinkles. 

2. I hate to pick on Madonna, but her Superbowl halftime show was the perfect example of my next request.  Do not allow me to dance and frolic around in a corset and fishnet stockings, climbing on younger men's shoulders, as my teenage daughters stand by mortified.  Sometimes I forget how old I really am, and I try to pull off some outfit that is really more appropriate for a 20 something girl.  I get it that it happens.  I have a momentary lapse of judgement and then when I have to unbutton the jeans to breathe, or change the shirt to allow room for my fuller stomach I am immediately reminded that things are shifting and changing and rather than force my middle aged body into the teenage clothes of my youth, I should just purchase new, age appropriate items.  That is not to say I cant still dance and frolic, I just dont want to be wearing things my own teenagers wouldnt be caught in.  Or climbing on the shoulders of their school mates when I have a hard enough time stepping up onto a bleacher.  Just saying.

3. Finally, please stop me if I begin resorting to odd behavior in hopes of appearing glamorous or sexy.  I felt for Angelina Jolie and her "leg bombing" fiasco because we all know we do it.  We figure out there is a perfect way to stand to hide our not-so-perfect flaws.  We have a "picture smile" that comes out every time we stand in front of the camera.  And I cannot imagine what it must be like to be photographed every day, everywhere you go.  No wonder she rehearsed that pose until she found the exact way she wanted be seen, and then used that pose for every photo op thereafter.  She looked good, but the pose came across as it's own entity. Something fake, and unnatural.  Sometimes I feel like I am heading down that road.  Wanting to always be seen in the best light.  But then I remember that it is in revealing my flaws (or should I say, in not trying to be perfect) that I become more real.  We arent always standing perfectly with one hand on a hip and one beautifully long and lean leg thrust out of a sky high slit.  We are moms who dont have stylists and hairdressers.  We spend most of our time at Walmart and Target and will be lucky if we make it on camera or to an awards show. And that is ok.  I dont have it all together and that's ok.  And a facelift or sexy leg wont change that.

These Are A Few of My Favorite Fears...

5. I am irrationally afraid of a bee or some sort of bug flying or crawling into my ear(s). I think this fear may have come from stories my mom would bring home from work when I was a kid.  She worked for an Ear, Nose, and Throat doctor and Im telling you people...it happens...and more often than you think. Keep the covers pulled up at night.

4. Food poisoning.  I had food poisoning once as a kid and it was so awful I have never recovered from the trauma of it.  If I am even remotely suspicious of a food I cant eat it.  If I get a funny feeling just by looking at it, it's over. 

3. Doctor's offices.  Oh the germs.  I am like a crazy mom when I take my kids to the doctor.  All of the sickness and sneezes and strep and whatever else we take our kids to the doctor's office for.  No thank you.

2. Sugar drinks.  I know this sounds ridiculous coming from a person who loves candy and ice cream, but for some reason I draw the line at sugar drinks.  I have no problem with Little Debbie's or popcicles or even fruit snacks, but I cringe when my kids have a soda.  No idea why. 

1. Weather.  Tornadoes, hurricanes, crazy thunder and lightning... living in the South has freaked me out.  Not to mention the tsunamis and earthquakes devastating the earth of late.  My biggest fear growing up in the Northwest was a dust storm.  Or snow.  Nowadays when I am stressed my dreams are filled with massive tsunamis, or tornadoes, or huge waves that slam against the hotel and leave me frantically grasping for my children.

The weather is unpredictable, uncontrollable and crazy powerful. So are germs.  And all kinds of "bugs" can wreak havoc on our lives.  Most of my biggest fears are things I cant control--so I suppose it's really "having no control" that is my fear.  Not being able to control what happens to me and my loved ones.  (Not sure how soda fits in to this analogy except that I want to control what my kids drink:) So I guess this is where my faith is put to the test.  All of these things can happen. The question is whether or not I can trust that God wont just "keep me safe" but that He knows what is best.  Even if a bee flies into my ear.  Even if I get food poisoning. Even if my kids drink soda. And even if I should be swept away by a massive wave.  Can I trust that in everything--not just what I cant control but even what I can and do try to control, is better in His hands? That's the real struggle.

39 things ~ a scattered post

I sat down to write a list of 39 things I want to do before I turn 40.  I like lists...they are a fun way of examining yourself and setting goals.  But what is funny is that I couldnt come up with 39 things I wanted to do.  My goals kept coming up kid related or money related or life related, things I can't actually "do" but rather "hope for." And this puzzled me. Why dont I have any fun little dreams I want to fulfill before the big 4-0?

This has been a common challenge for me throughout my life.  I've never been the kind of person to go for it, or have big dreams and strive for them.  I don't think I am comfortable with the idea of dreaming. I think, "Yeah, that's a great idea...I'll believe it when I see it." It's like I am too realistic to allow myself a big dream. What I can't figure out is if this is a defense mechanism or a wise way of going through life.  It saves me a lot of disappointment, but it also means I've missed out on some things I wish I'd attempted. 

I'm just not a "dream big" kinda girl.  I take it one day at a time and see what happens.  I live day to day rather than looking into the future and making big plans.  This frustrates Nate when we are planning a vacation, or Christmas is approaching, or some big event is about to take place and I am not full of anticipation and excitement.  He's thinking "Aren't you glad we are heading to the beach?" I'm thinking "There are a lot of things that will be taking place before we get there." I'm dealing with the day's activities and not interested in looking ahead to what we "hope" will be a wonderful time.  And it will be, but I am unable to set it up in my mind as some amazing time that will surpass all other times.  I don't like being disappointed, so I don't like to create big dreams then have them turn out less than what I'd imagined.  If I go in without expectations, then whatever happens I can handle. And often I do have a great time.

So back to my list...rather than 39 things I want to do before I turn 40, I am going to list 39 things I am glad I've done before turning 40.  Revisiting some of the memories, rather than setting goals I may never attain.  I think I'm comfortable with this.  Hope you enjoy.

Some of my favorite memories:

0-10 years "Im glad I..."
1. jumped on the bed--a lot
2. got to ride a bike without a helmet
3. roller skated--a lot
4. could walk to the store as kid and was safe
5. was in a school play
6. had a dog named Solo
7. had a good bunch of neighborhood kids to play with
8. lived in a great small town
9. loved gymnastics
10. started playing softball

11-20 years of age
11. transferring to Prospect Point Elementary (life changing)
12. wore glasses
13. owned my first ghetto blaster and recorded my first mixed tapes
14. danced and sang in front of the mirror a lot
15. school dances :)
16. wasnt the best, but loved sports
17. lived in California for a bit
18. made mistakes I am glad I learned from
19. lived in the mountains for 6 months
20. traveled across the country to start anew in Cincinnati

21-30 years of age
21. finally understood forgiveness
22. made some important changes in my life
23. studied dance and loved every minute of it
24. married a good man
25. visited other countries like South Africa and England
26. became a mom
27. learned I dont know it all
28. gained a new appreciation for my hometown
29. fell in love with atlanta, ga
30. began to realize life was about more than just being happy

31-39 years of age
31. learned it's ok to need help
32. found true friendship again
33. stopped trying so hard to make it right and learned to love life as it is
34. ate mayonaise and sour cream for the first times and liked them
35. finally realized I ended up with a really great husband
36. decided to live more for others than myself
37. also learned it's ok to disappoint people/let people down
38. became ok with being a 30 something woman, not a 20 something anymore
39. realized I wouldnt trade a moment if it meant not ending up where I am today.  Very thankful.

My (not so) Secret Crushes

1. Marcel the Shell with Shoes On (but you already knew that :)
2. Little girl shoes (I am head over heels)
3. Junior mints at a movie (I am obsessed)
4. Target (we meet up at least three times a week)
5. A thick, warm sweater (to keep me warm day or night)
6. TiVo (I miss you my friend...you were simply the best)
7. Fresh baked bread slathered with butter (bordering on lust with this one)
8. Kittens (like the Justin Bieber's of the animal world...swoon-worthy)

To Be Young Again

What I'd tell the younger me about the school years, knowing now what I wish I'd known then:

1. Concentrate more on relationships with girls than boys. Boys will come and go, a good friend is a treasure.

2. Play the sports you want to play not just the ones your friends are playing. Trying something new is a great way to grow.

3. Don't stress about Geometry, Chemistry, Biology, and Trigonometry. The grades might be important but you are right, you won't use them (or at least you wont be aware you are using them.)

4. Try harder to learn Spanish. You will wish you had.

5. Enjoy the small pizza, coke, and full size Snickers you eat for lunch everyday. And the free money your mom gave you to buy them.

6. Love your body and dont compare yourself to others. But may I suggest trying some different hairstyles?

4th grade

  

Jr High/Middle School

High School

Senior Year

Think Pink!

A list of my favorite pinks:

tiny pink toenails
shoulders after a day in the summer sun
a brand new Pink Pearl eraser for school
a freshly opened piece of Bazooka Joe bubble gum
my daughters' cheeks on a cold winter day
candy of any kind...but especially conversation hearts

January's Ending

A list of things I have loved:

1. sunshine across my bed in the morning

2. sweet kisses and hugs from my little ones

3. a big bowl of ice cream with sprinkles

4. a deep, hearty, bursting forth moment of laughter

5. the strong, safe arms of my husband

6. a brisk walk outside on a beautiful day

7. a new discovery in God's Word 

8. driving through the streets of my hometown

9. the quiet of the house when I am home alone

10. finding flower buds peeking through the dirt in Spring

11. the smell of a roast cooking 

12. a book that won't let you put it down

13. a song that brings me to tears

14. the courage of a hero

15. forgiveness of a loved one

Life Lessons

I am by no means a parenting expert.  I have, at many times, been frustrated, desperate, and overwhelmed and resorted to making idle threats, saying ridiculous things, and even (gasp) yelling at my kids.  But somehow, in the midst of the ever unpredictable rollercoaster that is parenting, I have managed to do a few things right and have lived to see the return on the investment.  Here are the few things I seem to have gotten right:

1. Say Im sorry and ask for forgiveness. One of the best things I have ever done as a parent is go to my child and say I am sorry and ask for forgiveness.  I have done this with all kinds of mistakes, from putting a toy on the porch while cleaning and having Z find it destroyed by rain, to going overboard with discipline out of frustration and needing to go back and apologize after I have cooled down.  Some of my most rewarding moments have been seeing my kids demonstrate this same behavior when they have lost their tempers or realize they have stepped out of line.  (A funny thing about this, though, is that when the kids were younger I would be sending someone to their room for a good reason, and they would yell out their bedroom door to me, "I forgive you mom, I forgive you!" And I would yell back, "no, I dont need forgiveness--you need it! Sending you to your room isnt wrong! I forgive YOU!" Learning forgiveness can be complicated :)

2. Laugh a lot. One thing we do as a family is laugh...a lot! I think there are few things that bond a family the way having fun together does.  Laughing with each other is also a great way to build self esteem in young kids.  My girls love to say something funny and get a good laugh.  And we even try to teach them to laugh at themselves.  There is no better way to respond to messing up than to laugh it off and move on.  And rather than being over sensitive about comments classmates make, I try to offer my kids examples of how to respond in fun--and turn the criticism into a lighter moment.

 3. Talk about money.  From the beginning we have been open and honest with our kids about how money flows thru our home (like water coming out of a faucet!) We have an allowance system set up that allows them to save or spend once a month, and there is a lot of discussion about making wise decisions with what they have earned. And, aside from their own money, we discuss (in general terms) our money situations.  I think it is important for the kids to know, especially with the convenience of bank cards, that there isnt this huge stash of money we have at our disposal.  When the money is tight, we talk about it. We also talk about how much things cost, we talk about tax, we talk about the cost of owning a home, and insurance, and paying bills.  Not in a way that overwhelms or worries the girls, but so that they understand how the world works and why we dont eat out every night of the week. We want them to value money and appreciate what little they do have.

4. Be a team.  One important truth we are trying to impress upon the girls is that we, the Corrona's, are a team.  We take care of each other, look out for each other, encourage each other and help one another out.  It's not a "me against you" home environment, as much as they'd like to make it that way at times :) We are in this life together, and we are going to have a some hard times, but we will handle them a lot better together.  This is a hard one because there is a lot of bickering in childhood.  But whenever possible I am reinforcing this attitude with the kids.

5. Turn off the technology and listen to each other.  I find it so frustrating when I am with someone and they are always looking at their phone, answering texts or checking facebook and twitter. I dont want to be that way with my kids.  I want them to know they are more important the the phone in my hand or computer beside me.  Yes, of course there are times when important things come up.  But Im talking about the non urgent settings when out of boredom or curiosity I am just wasting time.  It's hard! I have to make a conscious effort to set down my phone and play the game, or watch the cartwheels, or look at the drawing.  But it is so worth it! I know what matters most, and I shouldnt be bound to the internet anyway.  Sometimes I honestly dont want to do the activity they are begging me to do but by choosing them over the machine in my hands I am telling them they matter.  That they are important.  That I love them and that I hear them.  And that they are worth my full attention.

Do you have any great lessons you've taught your children? Are you seeing the rewards of it?

My 2011 Awesome List

Jon Acuff posted his "2011 Awesome List" over at SCL and so I thought I would post my own.  Here we go:

1. The Hunger Games trilogy.  I actually first read this a year or two ago, but re-read the series in 2011 and still love it.  They made the first book into a film set for release in March, so be sure to check out the trailer here. (the trailer gives me goosebumps, hope the entire film is just as good. :)

2. Christine Caine has become one of my heroes.

3. Thrift Stores have always been a part of my life and they were just as awesome in 2011.

4. Diary of a Wimpy Kid series. (some of the best times we had with the kids reading together)

5. Tim Tebow and the Tim Tebow foundation.  As cliche as it seems to go there, Im not gonna lie...I became a big fan.