I am by no means a parenting expert. I have, at many times, been frustrated, desperate, and overwhelmed and resorted to making idle threats, saying ridiculous things, and even (gasp) yelling at my kids. But somehow, in the midst of the ever unpredictable rollercoaster that is parenting, I have managed to do a few things right and have lived to see the return on the investment. Here are the few things I seem to have gotten right:
1. Say Im sorry and ask for forgiveness. One of the best things I have ever done as a parent is go to my child and say I am sorry and ask for forgiveness. I have done this with all kinds of mistakes, from putting a toy on the porch while cleaning and having Z find it destroyed by rain, to going overboard with discipline out of frustration and needing to go back and apologize after I have cooled down. Some of my most rewarding moments have been seeing my kids demonstrate this same behavior when they have lost their tempers or realize they have stepped out of line. (A funny thing about this, though, is that when the kids were younger I would be sending someone to their room for a good reason, and they would yell out their bedroom door to me, "I forgive you mom, I forgive you!" And I would yell back, "no, I dont need forgiveness--you need it! Sending you to your room isnt wrong! I forgive YOU!" Learning forgiveness can be complicated :)
2. Laugh a lot. One thing we do as a family is laugh...a lot! I think there are few things that bond a family the way having fun together does. Laughing with each other is also a great way to build self esteem in young kids. My girls love to say something funny and get a good laugh. And we even try to teach them to laugh at themselves. There is no better way to respond to messing up than to laugh it off and move on. And rather than being over sensitive about comments classmates make, I try to offer my kids examples of how to respond in fun--and turn the criticism into a lighter moment.
3. Talk about money. From the beginning we have been open and honest with our kids about how money flows thru our home (like water coming out of a faucet!) We have an allowance system set up that allows them to save or spend once a month, and there is a lot of discussion about making wise decisions with what they have earned. And, aside from their own money, we discuss (in general terms) our money situations. I think it is important for the kids to know, especially with the convenience of bank cards, that there isnt this huge stash of money we have at our disposal. When the money is tight, we talk about it. We also talk about how much things cost, we talk about tax, we talk about the cost of owning a home, and insurance, and paying bills. Not in a way that overwhelms or worries the girls, but so that they understand how the world works and why we dont eat out every night of the week. We want them to value money and appreciate what little they do have.
4. Be a team. One important truth we are trying to impress upon the girls is that we, the Corrona's, are a team. We take care of each other, look out for each other, encourage each other and help one another out. It's not a "me against you" home environment, as much as they'd like to make it that way at times :) We are in this life together, and we are going to have a some hard times, but we will handle them a lot better together. This is a hard one because there is a lot of bickering in childhood. But whenever possible I am reinforcing this attitude with the kids.
5. Turn off the technology and listen to each other. I find it so frustrating when I am with someone and they are always looking at their phone, answering texts or checking facebook and twitter. I dont want to be that way with my kids. I want them to know they are more important the the phone in my hand or computer beside me. Yes, of course there are times when important things come up. But Im talking about the non urgent settings when out of boredom or curiosity I am just wasting time. It's hard! I have to make a conscious effort to set down my phone and play the game, or watch the cartwheels, or look at the drawing. But it is so worth it! I know what matters most, and I shouldnt be bound to the internet anyway. Sometimes I honestly dont want to do the activity they are begging me to do but by choosing them over the machine in my hands I am telling them they matter. That they are important. That I love them and that I hear them. And that they are worth my full attention.
Do you have any great lessons you've taught your children? Are you seeing the rewards of it?
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